Facial Expressions to Be Banned in Select HISD Schools

Citing a “disruption to the learning environment,” Superintendent Mike Miles stated in a press release last week that facial expressions were to be banned in a small number of HISD schools. “[Facial expressions] really are annoying.” remarked a high school teacher, who wished to remain anonymous. “I just hate looking at them.”

Since the release, Miles repeatedly stated that the majority of the student and teacher populations would agree with him in that “[smiles] just suck.” Despite the admonishment of child psychologists, who reportedly stated that facial expressions are necessary for the social and psychological development of children, Miles has remained unmoved: “It will build character.”

Various teachers spoke out in favor of the policy: “Like, I’ll see a kid smiling, and it’s like, what are you smiling about? So annoying.” one teacher stated loudly. 

After an incident with Mike Miles shoving a 12 year-old into a nearby dumpster, who happened to be smiling as Mike Miles walked by, the board has finally spoken out about their controversial opinions on facial expressions, and why they should be banned. The facial expressions banned by HISD include smiles, grins, beams, frowns, glares, smirks, sneers and scowls. HISD put out a statement saying that they are additionally considering banning laughter of all kinds in preparation for the upcoming STAAR tests. 

According to a board member, “It's important that our students learn, and we’re afraid that smiling may inhibit their progress on the STAAR tests. According to our budget calculations, by banning smiling for all students and staff, we will be able to increase our budget for each school by $9.84. By eventually banning every activity of all kinds, which we anticipate happening in the next few years, we will be able to raise the budget by almost $32 per school.”

“With these improvements to the school, we may be able to buy half an additional book for our libraries, at least until Mr. Miles bans them all,” a frustrated librarian laments.