Mike Miles Claims Giving Students Ability to Trigger Fire Alarms Was the “Dumbest Idea Imaginable”

In light of the recent fire alarm scare at Kinder HSPVA, where the school was evacuated following an incident involving a microwave and clay, many members of the HISD community are wondering how situations like this one can be avoided in the future. Some have suggested that students cannot be trusted with microwaves, considering that some may not know not to microwave metal, eggs, or clay, or even worse, do it purposefully. Others have said that students simply need to be educated on the do’s and don’ts. Mike Miles proposes a different approach.

“Everyone is saying the fire was the problem,” Mike Miles said in an interview with the HISD Chronicles. “But I think that the root of the problem is the student.”

“As in the student causing the fire?” Our interviewer prompted.

“No, the student who triggered the alarm,” Miles said bluntly. “Nobody would have had to go through this whole brouhaha of evacuating and extending lunch, which might I add, cut into academic time, if that one student hadn’t pulled the alarm.

“I think many would argue that it’s a matter of safety,” our interviewer responded. “Don’t the fire marshals require a functioning fire alarm that can be triggered at any time, by anyone at risk?”

“Don’t even get me started on the fire marshals,” Miles groaned. “Those overzealous… zealots… take their job way too seriously. ‘Oh, Mr. Miles! You can’t tell teachers to keep their doors open under threat of termination! That’s a major fire risk, and very immoral!’ What losers.” Miles continued to explain his grievances with the fire marshals regarding the incident earlier this year when Miles’ district requirements directly violated fire codes.

“With all due respect, Mr. Miles,” the interviewer said. “But you aren’t exactly qualified to dictate whether fire protocols are necessary.”

'“I’ll tell you what’s necessary,” Miles then said. “Keeping those twerp students away from the fire alarms. Letting those brats trigger an alarm, emergency or not, was probably the dumbest idea imaginable. Leave it to the professionals. If I was there, I would have made that kid take care of his own mess, while the rest of the school gets to actually learn. I mean, they could be learning more if they used my NES project…” Miles continued on a tirade about the NES curriculum, involving academic detention centers to discipline students responsible for incidents such as that which transpired at Kinder HSPVA.

“God, I hate those kids,” Miles concluded, before leaving the conference call with our interviewer. The HISD Chronicles reached out to the Visual Art junior responsible for the fire hazard, but we were informed that this student is currently living in an NES academic detention center for the next five years.