Miles Secretly Not What He Seems; Actually Three 5th Graders in a Trench Coat

During a meeting with the HISD Board of Managers, one source confided that Miles tumbled over, and 3 fifth grade students and a few kindergarten students toppled out of his coat. Miles, then on the ground with more children spilling out of him, then hurriedly forced them back under his jacket, while scampering for the bathroom.

While in the bathroom, kindergarteners’ distant cries and shrieks of 5th graders could be heard for about 20 minutes, until Mike Miles returned, looking rather disheveled, with a 1st grader sticking out of the leg of his pants, and a large rip in his button-up shirt, exposing a 5th grader’s eye looking through the hole.

He reportedly stated, “Sorry about that, it’s… uh… take your kid to work day,” and attempted to continue the meeting, although he was continuously swamped by reporters and curious passersby as he attempted to continue the meeting.

“So, I propose we continue to discuss our proposition to demolish the elementary school playgrounds,” Miles said, as he attempted to steer the conference back to its original discussion, “and replace it with STAAR testing facilities.”

However, as he said this, a curious onlooker got too close to the superintendent, and as he batted them away from his tattered clothes, he accidentally dislodged a 3rd grader, who toppled to the ground, and scurried under the podium Miles had been standing at, accidentally knocking it over entirely, which toppled into him.

A swarm of children cascaded out of the superintendent’s gaping hole in his side, and they began to overwhelm the meeting room, flooding it with the scent of children who had recently eaten glue sticks and who rolled around in dirt during recess. A board member shrieked and banged on the doors, but their effort was fruitless. The doors were locked. They were stuck.

Children were still erupting out of Miles, like some sort of massive human volcano, and eventually he was gone, with just a pile of clothes and a horde of crazed children remaining in the room. As the dust settled, the children managed to break through the barricaded door, and they headed for the streets.